You know those days when it’s hard to feel still in your own skin? You can’t always pinpoint the source of the fidgets, but it’s there and you find yourself in a blah-ness wondering, “What am I doing?”
I talk about this stuck place a lot with friends, family, and clients in an effort to get familiar with its temperament. Feeling stuck seems to be a blend of:
- loneliness (lack of connection, notably different from aloneness)
- lack of inspiration and motivation
- lack of adventure, spontaneity
- forgetting or not feeling you have your own agency (forgetting or not feeling your capacity to act independently and to make your own free choices)
The best way to re-energize your spirit about your current season of life is to become familiar and have conversations with each one of these aspects of stuck-ness. Let’s do it!
Hi, Loneliness: I am feeling you trying to convince me of my lack of companions. You want me to buy into this solitariness of existence and bask in perceived isolation. Instead, I will practice gratitude for my companions by making a list of people who care about my opinions, my feelings, my happenings. Next, I will reach out. I will extend my personal existence and place myself in places unfamiliar or familiar. I will take a yoga class. I will reach out to a friend and ask for a coffee date. I will remember my live-wire connections to people special to me and I will try to tell them about their specialness and what I’m going through.
Hi, burnout: I see you aiming for my mental, physical and emotional wellness. You’re actively draining me of my goodness. I feel less than when you are around and strong. But I will not permit you to win. I will rest. I will ask for help where I need it. I will set new boundaries and enforce them. I will respond only to my priorities and not someone else’s. I will set aside undivided time, undivided attention and undivided effort for me and for me alone. Get smaller, burnout, because you are not welcome here.
Hi, frustration: I acknowledge that you have convinced me of my inability to change or achieve something. But that is the only piece you’ve succeeded in: temporarily convincing me. Now that I have taken time – stepped by to see the birds-eye view – I remember where my power lies: in setting healthy boundaries for me; in letting go of what is outside of my control; in making changes that bring alignment to my life. Thank you, frustration, for serving as a fluorescent neon arrow pointing to something being off.
Hi, lack of inspiration and motivation: You are tricky, sinister thing. You sneak in quietly and I don’t realize you’re with me until I hit something – writers’ block, failing at keeping a commitment to myself (like going to the gym or not indulging in late-night sweets), not following through, missing a deadline. Then I notice: Whoa! I’m not inspired or motivated to do anything! Then, I rationalize. I watch Netflix for hours; I procrastinate; I have an extensive list of excuses. That’s you, lack of inspiration and motivation. But I am armed with tools to combat you. I know what kickstarts my inspo: good music and podcasts, books, coffee, nature, community. I will seek them out and flush you out. I know what motivates me: purpose-driven work, mission-oriented teams, bright sunshine and high-quality friends. I will seek them out and flush you out. Lack doesn’t serve me or my work in any way. If you stay too long, you’ll settle in, and I’m not here on this earth to live in that space, so start packing!
Hi, lack of adventure and spontaneity: You are the shadow side of the comfort coin. I enjoy my comfort and familiarity. I settle into my rituals, consistency, old roads home. The opposite side of those experiences is feeling as if I am not adventurous or spontaneous, but I know I have that within me. Whimsy, playfulness, fancifulness. I remain open to opportunities that will present themselves and I am courageous enough to take them. Traveling to unknown worlds and people is not the only way to practice adventuring and spontaneity. I know that puzzle piece exists within my spirit, and I will pay it some attention to re-open my heart to the unexpected.
Hello, personal agency: The world around me sets clear, black-and-white parameters, directions, rules, requirements, prerequisites on me. I forget that I can decide whether or not those work for me and the life I’m actively building. I am in the driver’s seat. I have words to use: Yes. No. That is for me. That is not for me. I will take that on. I will not take that on. That is for me to care about. That is not for me to care about. Minute by minute, my clear communication of my priorities, my boundaries are forming my life. I am here to set the parameters, directions, rules, requirements and prerequisites for me.
Feeling stuck is only a temporary feeling or season in your life. You may be waiting for the next big thing to happen: don’t worry, it will come. You may be waiting for a project to sort itself out: don’t worry, the dust will settle. You may be waiting for someone to realize something: give them time. It’s OK if you made it weird instead of giving it time: everything will come around.
We’re humans and we need seasons to help us understand that we’re moving forward and time is passing. Just don’t remain stuck. Have the conversations with yourself, and kickstart a different vibe for you, even if you’re still waiting for what’s next. The vibe is what we’re adjusting. You are worthy of energized, inspired, motivated, adventurous vibes even while practicing patience.
Now, go get ’em! I want to see you thrive.
Sheena Jeffers is a Wellness Life Coach helping clients design balance, boundaries and flourish into their daily lives. Schedule a session with Sheena today and watch your life change!